Coping
Posted 09-15-2009 at 09:12 PM by wilbe95
What a long trying week this is already and it is only Tuesday! Over the weekend the DH and two older boys went camping with scouts and didn't get home until late Sunday. The boys were filthy from head to toe (there had been rain in the area they camped at). Everyone was so tired. The 13 year old fell asleep at 6:30pm and did not wake up until 6:30am Monday.
At school that morning there was a major buzz. One of his (the 13 year old) classmates died over the weekend. That was the only announcement that the school made right after the bell rang. The buzz went wild. The boy died from a self inflicted gun shot. There were all sorts of wild stories about it that my DS told me that evening-none that were true, just teens speculating. The boy had been depressed and the medicine was not working for him. Parents left the boy alone for an hour and needless to say what they discovered when they returned home.
This is the second boy from my DS school to have died in the past month or so. The first was an airplane accident, now a suicide. He is having a bit of a hard time with this. He knew this second boy more than he did the first and of course those unanswered questions that remain after a suicide.
Has been a chance for me to talk very seriously with my DS about depression and how others knocking you down all of the time verbally can drive a person to that point. Of course you will always be left with the questions. About eleven years ago I lost a cousin to suicide by gun as well and this has brought all those feelings I had at that time back to the front of my brain. And yes, also those questions of why, why, why.
As a parent of a child who has to cope with this experience I am doing the only thing that I possibly can....hug him tightly, tell him I am so sorry that he has to go through this, that I will always love him and that nothing could hurt me worse then to lose my child in such a way, offer a shoulder to cry on, share a few tears as well, and tell him he is my world and remind him of the wonderful future he has and that school is only temporary and then the real world will start and it is much better.
At school that morning there was a major buzz. One of his (the 13 year old) classmates died over the weekend. That was the only announcement that the school made right after the bell rang. The buzz went wild. The boy died from a self inflicted gun shot. There were all sorts of wild stories about it that my DS told me that evening-none that were true, just teens speculating. The boy had been depressed and the medicine was not working for him. Parents left the boy alone for an hour and needless to say what they discovered when they returned home.
This is the second boy from my DS school to have died in the past month or so. The first was an airplane accident, now a suicide. He is having a bit of a hard time with this. He knew this second boy more than he did the first and of course those unanswered questions that remain after a suicide.
Has been a chance for me to talk very seriously with my DS about depression and how others knocking you down all of the time verbally can drive a person to that point. Of course you will always be left with the questions. About eleven years ago I lost a cousin to suicide by gun as well and this has brought all those feelings I had at that time back to the front of my brain. And yes, also those questions of why, why, why.
As a parent of a child who has to cope with this experience I am doing the only thing that I possibly can....hug him tightly, tell him I am so sorry that he has to go through this, that I will always love him and that nothing could hurt me worse then to lose my child in such a way, offer a shoulder to cry on, share a few tears as well, and tell him he is my world and remind him of the wonderful future he has and that school is only temporary and then the real world will start and it is much better.
Total Comments 5
Comments
|
Oh wow, so sorry to hear that you're family is going through this right now. It's terrible that the school made an announcement like that but didn't provide any onsite counseling, etc.
I remember going through something similar my freshman year, very same circumstances. I think what you are doing with your son is exactly what he needs to hear and to know that he can talk to you about anything. You're a great mom. Hugs and I'm sorry that you're all going through this yet again in such a short period of time. My thoughts are with you. |
 
|
|
|
Kim - I'm so sorry. I don't know what, if anything, I could possibly say to you except that I'm deeply sorry.
|
|
|
|
|
unfortuatly it seems like it happening more and more -a lot of people are wrapped up in the own lives to relize maybe their kid is hurting. High school is rough and kids can be very mean. Sorry for what your family is going through -I would just talk to my kids and make sure they can talk about anything -no matter what ! And most of all that they are loved. You are doing all of right things -It is hard for adults to wrap their minds around such a terriable thing -and if you were a kid a sure it would be more difficult . Take care -blessings -Bobbi
|
|
|
|
|
It doesn't help that some parents just say actual depression is just part of hormonal changes or are too oblivious... If someone believes they have depression and asks for help its not something to shrug off. Meds not working when they once did are really REALLY Frustrating. I speak from experience there.
But yeah, sounds really tough. My school had a couple of deaths while I was going. The sad thing is they promised to make memorials(planting a tree and a plaque*) on campus but never went through with it. Its tough. Its odd that the school wouldn't offer any sort of counseling. Or any sort of advice... But you sound like you're doing a really good job none the less. You have no idea how much some children would love to have a parent like you during this sort of situation. |
|
|
|
|
The school is sort of offering counseling. If a child feels they would like to talk to someone then they can go talk with a counselor, but not many will do that because then the other kids question them about it.
Today (Friday) is the funeral. The school is allowing any student who wants to attend the funeral to be excused. The church is directly behind the school so the children can walk there. I didn't really think about it before about how unknowing children are until they are in the situation-my son and one of his good buddies asked me this morning if they were suppose to take a gift. My mouth almost hit the floor for a second then I realized they have never been to a funeral before to know. So we had a discussion about how and why people place a flower with the casket. Really makes you stop for a few and wonder how we learned these things ourselves. I think they should do some kind of memorial at the school. I know some will argue that if you do then it might give a child ideas and glorify the situation. Sorry I disagree, I think that 11-14 year olds need to know that life is valued no matter what. That is a trying time and some strange things run through the brain. By ignoring it and just going on with the day to day things can make some think that it doesn't matter. |
|
|
Recent Blog Entries by wilbe95
- Money makes you stupid (11-07-2009)
- Looking for the rainbow (10-27-2009)
- It's back (10-20-2009)
- House full of kids (10-18-2009)
- update on RSVP (10-17-2009)
wilbe95
